I'm so very tired. In every way you can imagine. I can't really explain it ... or rather, I don't want to verbalize it, much to the dismay of a few friends . Just dealing with things the way I know how.
A great many people have been guided down the path of "venting" when you are angry or frustrated. This is all well and good, if it feels like that's what you want to do, or if it's something that needs to be attended to immediately. Though, many find it much more helpful to only truly vent when necessary. (That would not be 24/7 as a lot people in our society that's been inundated by psychiatrists -- both professional and the 'I-read-a-book-once' types -- seem to think). In the wake of the catastrophic economic downfall, I have heard of three "smash-to-vent" ideas taking the frustrated world by storm:
- http://www.smashshack.com/Home_Page.html - Founders Sarah Lavely and Ed King opened the Smash Shack in downtown San Francisco with the hope of bringing a little levity to life's trials and tribulations. Their unique goal is to "allow people to let go, let loose and go home with a smile on their face." The inspiration came to Sarah at an especially low point in her life - she woke up one day and thought, "I wish I could go someplace and break some things." (Especially fun is - the traveling smash shack - see above!)
- Dubbed the "anger release machine," it's a vending machine filled with cheap antique-style cats and vases, wine glasses, plates and other breakables. I could see ENRON having one of these ... and Wall Street :)
- A motel chain came up with an interesting way of helping people vent their anger and aggression. For a hefty price, people were put in motel rooms filled with cheap glasses, bottles and other fragile items. They smashed the objects, supposedly venting their anger at their bosses and their enemies.
Most of us believe that such "catharsis," as Aristotle called it, relieves us of aggressive and angry feelings. Anger and frustration build up inside a person like air inside a balloon and the pressure needs to be released in order to make us feel better.
As it turns out, the opposite turns out to be true. Breaking those bottles will make our heart rate and blood pressure go up and release stress hormones like adrenaline and noradrenaline. Venting actually heightens anger and aggression, find Brad Bushman and his colleagues, according to research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
Their very lame study did ultimately prove my point - so I'll share. 707 people were asked to write and essay to be evaluated by someone else. Half the essays were brought back with insulting comments, a handwritten message stating "This is one of the worst essays I have ever read!" The other people received positive ratings and written comments like "Great essay, no suggestions for improvement!" As expected, the insulted people felt angry toward the evaluator. They were more apt to hit a punching bag. But, did it relieve their aggressive feelings? Not at all.
When given a chance to take revenge on the negative evaluator by participating in a laboratory task where they could blast him with a loud noise whenever he was slower to press a button than they were. They could also decide how loud the noise would be and how long they would blast him. Those who hit the punching bag were far more aggressive than those who had not. They tried to relieve their anger by a harmless activity, hitting the punching bag, but their initial venting then increased their aggression toward the essay evaluator.
So what are we supposed to do? That's always where we are kinda left hanging. The American Psychological Association suggests the following alternatives:
- Calm down. Yeah, let me get right on that - HA! Like that wasn't something you thought of before them?? Generally when you hit the brink of throwing-shit-frustrated, I doubt "calm down" wasn't already a football field away from you. However, in the interest of 'positive reinforcement -- instead of concentrating on your anger, which will make you even madder, try to focus on calming yourself down. They suggest "you can breathe deeply or repeat a calming word like "relax" or a phrase like "Life is too short."" (Um, no.)
- Exercise. Some of us fly off the handle easily. We have a low tolerance for frustration. Regular, strenuous exercise will calm us down. This does work. Strength training is an excellent way to pump up the endorphines and turn that frown upside-down!
- Change your thinking. Instead of thinking, "This is terrible, it's awful," change your self-talk. "I can do this." It's simply, effective and oddly ... frustrating to those around you LOL
- Avoid the situation. If something infuriates you, and it's not something that you need in your life -or have to deal with (ie: messy room/garage, acquaintance that you don't have to keep in touch with, etc) - ditch it! There are plenty of other pleasures and frustrations to deal with :)
The real problem I seem to find over and over again is that people can't distinguish between something worth "venting" over (ie: smashing the faux china) or simply a passing dissatisfaction. There are a few things I have heard over the last few years that have helped me ... and that I'm trying to keep at the forefront of my mind the last few days:
- Learn to grow and sustain a long fuse. The more you endure, the longer your fuse will be.
- If you don't get mad - you'll get sad. Internalizing everything does eat at you. Sometimes it IS worth saying something.
- Despite living in a Prozac Nation, we are allowed to have feelings -- and they do include anger, frustration, sadness and fear. It's not necessary to live every single one out loud, nor is it healthy to live in your head. You are not meant to be happy - or sad - all the time.
So, there is no answer to the proposed question. At least not one I'm going to spell out. For me, right now - I'm not venting. Or maybe this blog is just how I'm doing it ...?
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