And, stop.

What a week.

Monday, I find out that something isn't resolved that I was told was fixed last week. I will not detail this on the blog; however, things change March 1st, no matter how much I've tried to actively fix the situation. No apocalypse or anything, but it will definitely prove to be interesting over the next few months.

On a somewhat bittersweet note, my roommate, Mike, gave his 60 days notice. The only bitter part of that is that I lose part of the money coming in each month. The sweet part is, well, he is a dick and I won't have to deal with him --- Jen & I will welcome the change! Postings on Craigslist and Roommates.com should prove for some interesting showings ...

So the week continued with a flat tire the same day I realized my registration was expired. Figuring it was no big deal, I took it to the shop. $420 later (and that was with a significant discount from the dealer since my Dad knows him!), I found out I needed new brakes and rotors as well. Wonderful.

Thinking I'd be in the clear for at least the rest of the week, that somehow the world would let me off the hook for the rest of the week. But no. No, to the tune of $4000 fraud charges on my credit card. Seriously? (Not to mention, I found out my old gym was still charging me every month ... despite the fact that I canceled it on 12/31/08.)

Ok, so you know what I say? Bring it on. I've taken it all. I'm still standing. I'm not sleeping well - per usual - but I'm still here and still truckin.

Jamie and this koala are the things that made me smile this week!

(His name is Sam, he was rescued from Brush fires in Victoria!)

PS - I love you, Tree!

looking for the silver lining ...

There's no fire like passion, no seizure like anger,

no snare like delusion, no river like craving.
Dhammapada

"Sometimes when the negative feelings come out of you, it's good. It's a sign of you purging it."
Sometimes you need to hear the right thing - at the right time.

It is horrible to fear the place you once loved.

It is horrible to fear the place you once loved. To see a streetcorner you knew so well and be afraid of it's shadow. To see familiar steps and be unable to climb them. I never understood how people lived in fear. Women afraid to walk home alone. People afraid of white powder in their mailbox. Darkness and night. People afraid of people. I always believed that fear belonged to other people. Weaker people. It never touched me. And then it did. And when it touches you, you know ... it's been there all along ... waiting beneath the surfaces of everything you loved. And your skin crawls, and your heart sickens, and you look at the person you once were walking down that street .. and you wonder will you ever be her again?

Funk.

Not the smell, nor the taste.
Feel that silent rage that doesn't boil?
Frustration on a backburner with no place to go.

Biting back tears, fearing you're own anger -
Circling a fanciful dream with no hope.
Feeling a hole in your chest that tightens for nothing

Judged against standards I'll never want
Feeling the pressure for things I don't need
Wanting the things I cannot ask for.

The only way out is my own mind -
the same trap that keeps me here.

keeping with the vibe of a past blog

Back to my thing about respect - I only hate it because it seems as though people are just too inconsiderate to move.

Inauguration Day 1/20/09

Fun facts: The actual swearing in ceremony cost an estimated $1.24 million.

$49 million raised in donations for the inauguration.

$170 million spent on inauguration DAY.

$219 million spent (ironically - with people celebrating it!) on 1 day.

Sometimes people just need to elope. The wedding day means nothing if the marraige isn't going anywhere. I want to believe that this is ushering in the new era of change; and now, I'm struggling since his initiation was nothing short of a Bridezilla's dream.

Among the expenses of this budget? A Bruce Springsteen concert, the parade, large-screen TV rentals for all-free viewing on the national Mall, $700,000 to the Smithsonian Institution to stay open and, of course, the balls, including three that are being pitched as free or low cost for the public. Just what Joe-the-Plumber wanted needs when they have no money in the bank, a royal ball!

For those pissed about all the money from the recent government bailout ... the biggest group of donors were none other than the recently bailed-out Wall Street executives and employees. The finance sector was well represented in the list of donators, despite its recent troubles. Those who worked in finance still managed to pull together nearly $7 million for the inauguration. Despite all the donations, Obama’s team has made donations much more restrictive than in the past, capping donations at $50,000 per person, compared to $250,000 cap President Bush had at his last inauguration.

That said, we all need to stop dividing everything into Democrats and Republicans and who's to blame. It is everyone's responsibility to get it together. Everyone f*cked up and we are all suffering. Whatever your beliefs - there needs to be changes made to improve the economy - we can all agree on that.

It probably should have started with a little less pre-celebratory extravaganzas, but looking forward -- let's hope he makes some real change.

On a lighter note, I found this funny:

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

What a basic concept that everyone claims to understand without actually comprehending. I felt glimmers of hope over the holiday when a stranger would help me at the wholesale store with opening my hatchback to put my groceries in; or, a stranger on the train gives his seat to my boyfriend and I so we can sit together. Those random acts of kindness feel somewhat dashed when I go to the movies (and pay good money) only to have a couple my parents age kick the back of my seat for over forty minutes -- despite pushing back, strained glances, and finally asking them to stop. (I finally had to move seats 3/4 of the way through the movie because I was so preoccupied by the seat constantly moving that I missed sections of the movie!)

When did it become over and above to yield the parking spot to the person who was waiting? To let the person waiting at the stop sign the longest go first? How did cell phones make communication so commonplace that returning a message or text obsolete if you just didn't feel like it?

1) At the movies, the seat you are in - is yours. None of the others. You may only put your feet on the one in front of you if it's vacant. Common courtesy, people.

2) If you see someone with a turn signal on when you turn the corner, they are obviously waiting for a parking spot. Don't be a bastard and take it.

3) Be aware of your surroundings. If smiling at someone or giving them your seat would make someone's day - smile or give it up! You never know who will remember that as a small gesture of kindness they needed to make their day/week/month.

4) Don't be one of those assholes that can't drive in the WAWA parking lot. It's not that hard. And if you accidentally are one of those people, it's not that hard to raise a hand and give the courtesy wave. (Which you can't do on your cell phone - so don't pick it up til you are at least out of the parking lot.)

5) If someone sends you a personal text/call/email, return it. Even if it's only to say you are busy and don't have much time on your plate. General ignorance of people's attempts to reach you basically sends the message that you are more important than they are. If that's the case, don't be surprised if they aren't there later on ...

There are so much more, but really - its just basic respect.