"well, I call it twatting!"

The title was one of the few funny lines from "Couples Retreat" - see my review here.

The other day a friend stated:

"You may not admit it, but you can view someones life every week on facebook and hardly ever converse with them, and it is kind of nice."

I find this is the sad downside of our blossoming and ever-changing technological boom. We are constantly connected to the web - no matter where we are - through blackberries and cell phones; and, we don't even have to contact each other to be updated on our lives anymore. Where she finds it comforting to stay in touch without any actual contact, I find it lonely and disconnected.

When I'm not aware that someone had a child, is sick, lost a parent, or has changed jobs/girlfriends/locations ... I have often heard the aggravating retort: "didn't you see my status update?" Or, "didn't you read my blog?" I've had the same cell phone number for almost 10 years. My parents have had the same phone number since 1986; and, I can easily be contacted through them if you ever knew that number. I realize texting is easier, and I'm just as guilty as the next party ... but when did personal contact become replaced by indirect random free-for-all contact visible to the masses?

Sure, I am on facebook -- but to be honest, I'm there for the scrabble! I don't sit and read people's updates. If I happen to catch them on the main page when I sign in, or see a picture, so be it. I don't use it to stalk everyone else and if someone gets upset cause I didn't feel like pulling a paparazzi move on them, they need to deflate their egos and come back down to earth! When did we all become so important that our status must be known to everyone we are (or aren't) friends with at all times? Has reality tv created an ego-monster in everyone that makes them feel as though they need a 'pump' every day? Or worse, with twitter - every few hours or minutes?

At some point -- just like myspace -- facebook and twitter will die out. For those reliant on this to keep in touch, will you remember how to write or call? Or will it simply be too late for people that have forgotten friendships that haven't been tended to?

This is just for fun:

L.I.G.H.T.

This year has been ... a journey. I'm filled with love, anxiety and interest as I write this entry. I wouldn't trade it for the world, nor would I want to relive it. It was equally as hard as it was rewarding - though I have found that many relationships I had this year again were tested.

Through one of the many articles, google searches and wiki-reads I peruse on a daily basis, I discovered an blurb refering to LIGHT: Listen-Intent-Giving-Honesty-Time. Such a simple thought and premise, but what a way to think of how you act, and how you should be treated! Here is the article - and I think it should be applied to romantic, professional, familial, and friendship relationships. More after ...

5 Simple Rules to Light Up Your Relationship

Relationships can stagnate for any number of reasons; however, one of the most common denominators seems to be losing touch with the people we love the most. We reach a certain level of comfort, and forget that all relationships need maintenance and care in order to last. The following behaviors can help you build and maintain lasting relationships.

1. Listen. Listening will make ANYONE feel important and valued. Listening will give them a sense of security and knowledge that they have someone when they need to be heard. The act of listening involves more than just hearing, however. You have to open your mind. If you have the attention or memory span of a flea, you will need to practice focusing. Make mental notes, and keep a notebook if you need to, writing down important items as they are revealed in conversation. Listening involves dropping everything else and putting him. Turn off the TV. Put down the book. Look at them they speak. Ask questions if you don’t understand. Give feedback with an honest and open mind. Listening is one of the most important aspects in any successful relationship. Try it!

2. Intent. Intention is a funny thing. Like dreams and wishes, intentions will not come true until you act. Therefore, it’s good practice to take stock of your intentions, and determine whether they line up with your actions, or just float out in the abyss. If you intend to do something, and you have voiced this intention, then by all means, make certain you follow through. If you have to, review your intentions daily and take an active role in carrying out your intentions. Living up to your intentions not only builds character, it also displays commitment to your relationship, as well as yourself.

3. Giving. Generosity doesn’t necessarily involve all things material. You can give many things that will not cost a cent. Giving puts into play your listening skills. When you listen, you will get endless clues as to things that give them joy, or make him feel loved. Cook their favorite meals. Tell him, out of the blue, something about him that makes you admire them. The tiniest acts can sometimes bring forth the best results! Giving of yourself demonstrates that you value your relationship enough to invest time and energy into bringing happiness, and building a stronger bond.

4. Honesty. Lying is for the weak. Lies are a destructive force that we hide behind when we are too afraid of living. Being honest means being honest with you, first and foremost. If you lie to yourself on a regular basis, then what incentive do you have to be honest with anyone else? Honesty, even about the smallest things, develops
trust. Honesty demonstrates commitment. Honesty involves carrying out your best intentions, and giving of yourself. You don’t have to tell lies in order to be loved. You don’t have to tell lies in order to make someone happy. If you want love, or to make someone FEEL loved - be honest. About everything.

5. Time. So often, in this frenetically-paced life, we forget to take time out for those we love. If you are constantly running from here to there, and seeing each other only in passing, then perhaps it’s time to hit the pause button. Take a few minutes during your work day to call and let him know their on your mind. Instead of running errands after work, go home and just spend some time hanging out together. Throw a few breaks in your routine once in a while, just to let them know you want to be in tune with them.

Building a solid relationship takes hard work, and solid commitment. Sometimes, it may seem that you’re doing all the work alone. However, in time, your actions will begin to produce changes, not only within the relationship, but also within yourself. Knowing how to be LIGHT is half the battle!

Obviously, a good bit of this article is focused on the romantic relationship - but I struggled mainly with friendships this year -- and it was quite the wake-up call. I find this advice helpful because I notice that the lack of intent, giving and time on their part made me wonder - do they just not need/want me as a friend anymore? Some have disappeared completely, despite nudging with emails, voicemails and texts. Some have disappeared into relationships, new jobs, homes, or just their own lives. Some just don't seem to mind the loss. Whatever the case, I find that it's harder and harder to keep being the person pursuing friends that don't seem to want me. Would you keep knocking on a wall hoping one day it would turn into a door? At some point, I have to walk away before I start hating myself for being pathetic ... or them for walking away without even an explanation.

This sounds like a sad entry, but really I've thought about this quite a lot and it's quite freeing to stop knocking and just live my own life. I'm a great friend, and I try very hard to be there for the people in my life; only, not at their beck and call, not without give and take. I'm tired of the conversations with the, (to quote a poignant book/film, Fight Club) "People just waiting for their turn to speak." I want to listen AND be heard. I want to give AND get --- and maybe most importantly - I'd like a little face-time with the people that claim to be my friends. Even if it were over the phone, at least it's something.

To those this doesn't apply to - cheers! I feel about 110% better getting this off my chest.

Fear of failure and fear of the unknown
are always defeated by faith. Having
faith in yourself, in the process of change,
and in the new direction that
change sets will reveal your own inner core.